IT TAKES A VILLAGE BY SURPRISE (NOT!)

She’s back and bringing with her the paperback version of her book It Takes A Village. She must want her name front and center. Done and done. And nobody even hinted at a campaign platform, when she grabbed the microphone from Meredith Vi era and went on a rant about the importance of all the children in her world being insured. So watch out. Along with Dora the Explorer pencils and Hello, Kitty erasers, we'll now see a barrage of It Takes A Village lunch boxes, or coin purses, or maybe even little backpacks for tots to put their little insurance policies in. You know, for when they have their bouts of chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or high blood pressure, or angina attacks, or when they throw a clot. They’re kids! They don’t need insurance policies! I’m 56. Maybe she’d go for insuring my inner child!

Look, it’s a great concept. We get it. It takes a village. A fence is only as strong as its weakest link. All for one and one for all. United we stand, divided we fall. There is no “I” in team. “HE AIN'T HEAVY, FATHER. HE'S MY VILLAGER."

In real life, a lot of our children have already experienced a working model of the village idea in school. It goes something like this: Divide the class into four-pupil groups (villages, if you will). Give the four villagers an assignment. Invariably one pupil will do all the work and the other three slack asses will jump on the Gimme bus and ride it to go pick up their A’s.

So while It Takes A Village is an admirable concept, it could be problematic to put into practice. Actually, when I hear It Takes A Village, I can’t help but think of that old ‘60s movie, The Village of The Damned. You had to think of a brick wall so the little tots could’t read your mind and destroy you. I would’t picture a wall, though; I’d picture food. And when I picture food, I picture a cake. Hey, speaking of cake . . .

Cake Comments:

“This cake makes us glad we’re not cannibals,” grunt villagers.
“Small But Talls are heap big medicine, man,” enthused Shaman Jones.
“Come on a' my hut, a' my hut; I’ll give you cake and candy” sang one fan.


Cake Fact:

One cake should feed 12 tribal chieftains or 15 pea-shooting pygmies.