JUST ADD WATER AND MIX!

Nope. These are not instructions for muffins, cookies, or biscuits in a box.

This is, however, my answer to the often-asked question “How did you get your hair to look like that?”

I’ve got wacky hair. There’s no denying it. When I go to the beauty say-lon, I hear things being said as I make my way from the shampoo basin to my stylist’s station. “Havoc,” some whisper. “Turbulence,” others say, cutting their eyes at my dome and then dropping their stares when I look their way. Ladies under dryer hoods elbow each other and mouth “Disturbances.”

As luck would have it, today there are pastes, putties, and pomades that work magic on troubled hair. And, if you put enough concoction on your hair one day, the next day there’s enough residual product still clinging to your follicles that all you have to do is JUST ADD WATER AND MIX! Literally. Cup some water in your hands, fling it onto your head, then toss your hair like so much house salad. Voila – sassy yet insolent hairdo.

Hey, wouldn’t it be great if somebody came up with a Scratch ‘N Sniff product line for people with hair ‘issues’? An innocent fingernail scrape to the scalp, and the room would be redolent with smells of hot chocolate with marshmallows, or gingerbread cookies, or peppermint candies, or turkey with stuffing?

Or there could be a line of goo dedicated to the aroma of nature. How about the scent of rain or a brewing storm? God knows my hair sometimes looks like it’s been hit by a nor’easter!

Well, I’ve got to go to work. I’d better fix up my hair. And today I’ll need big globs of product to be caked on. Hey, speaking of cake . . .

Cakes - It’s all about comments:
“You’ll flip your wig over this cake!” people say.
“This cake is good down to the roots!” some enthuse.
“This is the Vidal Sasson of all cakes!” exclaimed a fan.

Cakes – It’s all about trivial facts:
One cake will feed about 12 redheads or 15 blond bimbos.
At $20.00 (plus shipping) a cake, some say it’s cheap. We prefer “bargain.”
Dimensions don’t vary – 6 inches around – 3 layers high
To order, contact me at btall50@aol.com

Cakes – It’s all about choices:
Chocolate with white frosting (cream cheese & butter)
Chocolate with chocolate frosting (fudge chocolate)
Yellow with white frosting (cream cheese & butter)
Yellow with chocolate frosting (fudge chocolate)