HOLIDAY SHOUT-OUT TO MY SISTER, GRINCHEN

Not in the mood for Christmas? Well, you get in the mood and you get in the mood right now.

You know, we’ve all had wounded memories of Christmases gone awry. So what? We’re not direct descendants of Norman Rockwell.

You’re probably still a little sensitive about how dad punished you for your pissy attitude by making you read (how many times?) the parable of “A Dog In The Manger.” But put that anger behind you and move on.

And while you’re at it, shelve the frustration over having to sit at “the kids table” for dinner. I guess having you research biblical parables wasn’t the quick fix Dad was hoping for.

And who wouldn’t be disappointed if, when all they wanted was a bucket purse, they got a soap-on-a-rope instead? Get thee behind me, disappointment.

Replace these feelings with remembrances of Christmases done right. You know, when we got to have real butter instead of margarine at Christmas dinner! When we got bacon with our eggs instead of Ralston Purina! Real orange juice instead of Tang! Ho, ho, ho. Too much Christmas!

What about the weeks leading up to Christmas, when Dad would bring out the bowl of nuts and tangerines? The hard ribbon candy and the crème drops (what’s with calling them Chicken Hearts? A throw-back to his Minnesota heritage?). I didn’t even like nuts and oranges, but he was so giddy over this custom that he suckered me into believing it was a tradition we couldn’t live without.

Don’t even try to tell me that when the music from “The Nutcracker Suite” comes on you don’t smile, remembering my rendition of a ballerina doing “The Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy,”

There. Has your pea-sized holiday heart grown three times its size today? Just remember this. Some people see a glass as half full; while others see it as fathers who should take their discipline and . . .

Anyway, holiday cheer, dear. You can thank me later for NOT sending you a fruitcake. Hey, speaking of cakes . . .

Cakes - It’s all about comments:

“The only thing cuter than this cake is Cindy Lou Who!” people say.
“One bite of this cake will having you saying ‘It’s A Wonderful Life,’” some enthuse.
“This cake is the Tickle Me Elmo of cakes,” exclaimed a fan.


Cakes – It’s all about trivial facts:

One cake will feed about 12 Secret Santas or 15 helper elves.
At $20.00 (plus shipping) a cake, some say it’s cheap. We prefer “bargain.”
Dimensions don’t vary – 6 inches around – 3 layers high
To order, contact me at btall50@aol.com


Cakes – It’s all about choices:

Chocolate with white frosting (cream cheese & butter)
Chocolate with chocolate frosting (fudge chocolate)
Yellow with white frosting (cream cheese & butter)
Yellow with chocolate frosting (fudge chocolate)