What Can I DO You For?

More tales from the days of my childhood, once again harkening back to expressions our parents used. Big party people, were my parents. My mother would say “What can I DO you for?” and the guests laughed; my mother laughed and poured them a drink; then everybody laughed some more.

There was a lot of hilarity over one misplaced preposition. And even given lots and lots of opportunities to correct her grammar (big, frequent party people, remember), she never did. And her guests never stopped laughing over her ‘mistake.’

It took years to discover “What can I do you for” was NOT a bartending term of art. It’s just one of many ill-fated sentences that ends with a preposition. I’ll pause for a moment so everyone can gasp – because we all know the golden rule of composition: Never end a sentence with a preposition.

And our teachers had a reason to steer us clear of such bad habits. For instance, take a simple inquiry, What are we in here for? Switch it around a bit, and you get What are we in for here? A bit suggestive. Or how about What do you have against that? Innocuous? But then it becomes What do you have that against? A little naughty. Or What am I going to do with you? That becomes What am I going to do you with? Well, that’s right between the eyes, isn’t it. Or. . .

Anyway, watch your language and don’t become a gutter mouth. And I’ve found that one of the easiest ways to keep your mouth clean is to eat cake. And speaking of cake . . . .

Cake – it’s all about choices:
Chocolate cake/chocolate frosting (rich chocolate fudge )
Chocolate cake/white frosting (scrumptious cream cheese frosting)
Yellow cake/chocolate frosting (that chocolate fudge thing again)
Yellow cake/ white frosting (more cream cheese delight)

Cake – it’s all about interesting tidbits:
Each cake serves 12 to 15 people
Value galore – only $20.00 per cake
Each cake measures 6 inches in diameter (small)
Each cake stands three layers high (tall)

Cake – it’ all about comments:
“Two spatulas up,” say some.
“The ‘taste good’ dessert of 2006,” say others.
“This cake’s got gold medal written all over it,” enthuse the rest.